The Tea That Heals All Of The Ailments
by The Amazing Fetus
Summary: Ciel sends Sebastian off to Lau's opium den to sample some new teas. Lau may be high, but he's not stupid.


_A tumblr request fic! If you'd like your own, just ask. _  
_-Vi. _

Lau's opium den was decorated with the kind of finery that even Sebastian would tip his hat to. If he wore a hat, which he wasn't, and he didn't look good in hats, but if he was wearing one, he would give a tip of his hat and a wag of his finger to whomever decorated. The heady scents of smoke and opium and very expensive incense undoubtedly imported from Shanghai did nothing to irritate his sensitive sense of smell. If anything, the smoke reminded him of home. The deeply colored silks and tapestries that decorated the room were so much more similar to what he was familiar with than the stuffy damasks and velvet in pale muted shades on mint and dusty rose that decorated most human households of the time. Sebastian leaned back on the couch and waited for Lau to actually show up, then man once again proving that he could never be on time even at his own household.

When Lau entered a room, he did not merely a enter a room by himself. With him, followed a trail of overly strong perfume (which Sebastian noticed was actually a feminine scent of a dominantly floral blend with the slightest bit of musk) and the undeniable scent of drugs. On him right now, Sebastian could smell Lau's preferred opium, cannabis, and the faintest bits of psilocybin. There were probably several other drugs that Sebastian couldn't place, the stench of his ladies perfume overpowering everything around them. Lau, oh so generously brought his typical smug human smile. The way he talked with his eyes closed and talked out of his ass without paying attention to anything was so very dislikeable. Even if he was nice enough to Sebastian.

"Oh, Mr. Butler, what are you doing here?" Lau asked, followed by his 'sister' who Sebastian could tell wasn't actually his sister. She looked at Sebastian, raising her eyebrow in confusion.

"I was sent here by my master to sample the tea prototypes my master ordered from you two months prior to now. We told you this a week in advance." Sebastian, sighing. Why was Lau truly so infuriatingly incompetant? Did years of drug abuse oxidize holes in his brain?

"The Earl Phantomhive, does enjoy his tea, doesn't he?" Lau asked. Sebastian wanted to reply with, _'No, he fucking hates it, thats why we order it in bulk just for personal use. He just burns it.'_; but such an action would be considered extremely impolite for a human butler to do.

"He drinks it as though it may be water." Sebastian said. The more polite of two options.

Ran Mao set out a platter with three different tins of tea in sealed, metal tins with the signature Funtom cat printed on the lid with matte black paint. Along with it came three tea cups, and a kettle of hot water on a bed of hot rocks to keep it hot enough to actually brew tea. Ran Mao broke the seals on each of the tins, placed a precise, leveled teaspoon of tea into each one. The tea was steeped with remarkably precise measurements for a human not using an actual measure. Sebastian sat in Lau's opium den, once again impressed. At least someone around here wasn't a joke without an actual punchline.

They sat in silence as the tea steeped. Lau lounged against the couch, puffing away as his pipe and blowing the smoke into Sebastian's face. Not that it particularly bothered him but Sebastian felt as if he was receiving a somewhat pleasant contact high. Lau set his feet on the small, gilded coffee table as if it was some cheap ikea shit. Sebastian's mind cringed as he could nearly feel the tough soles of Lau's shoes leave tiny, microscopic scratches in the fine piece of furniture and specks of dirt in the finely sculpted cracks of it. Oh, it would be so, so impossible to clean.

"That one a chinese silver needle leaved white tea blend. It is blended with white peony tea, chrysanthemum flowers, and peppermint." Lau said, pointing to the far right cup of tea. Sebastian picked up in his hands, the surface of the transparent tea still hot. He took a sip, and to his surprise- it was fairly good for a human tea. This was most suitable for mass production. He finished the rest of the tea, then set it gently down on the platter.

"Then we have your standard japanese green tea. It's not particularly impressive, but it is a fine standard that plenty of people drink." Lau said. Sebastian took a sip of it, and it was a fine green tea. As Lau put it, nothing particularly special but still something that would sell. Also approved.

"This next one is a mixture of chinese and indian black tea leaves and dried pomegranate." Lau said. Sebastian stared at amber liquid, it seemed like a rather weak black blend. He took a sip and found it particularly refreshing and tart. He had a slight fondness for that particular fruit. Though truth be told, this tea would not sell well for a british audience. Promptly denied, but Sebastian finished it.

"What do you think of the tea selection, Mr. Butler?" Lau asked.

"I found the silver white and green teas to be a good choice, however, I do not believe that a pomegranate blend tea would sell well in this country." Sebastian said. A fair enough choice. The tea division of Funtom sweets would do well to debut these teas.

"I put enough poison to kill ten fully grown elephants in a matter seconds in that first cup of tea."

"I assure you that there was a mistake, for I am still alive."

"I assure you that there is no mistaking, for I put it in there myself and you still live. I suppose you're not the first human to ever make use of those frivolous coffin-bells, are you? For the living can not rise from the ground, yet you stand before me and I have to reason to believe that you are human nor of the living dead. You instead, a shapeshifting monster. The ability to move faster than any human should as if you warp time around you. The way that you smell far more acutely than a risen corpse can. I have seen the way women look at you as if your very touch is a spell. I have seen your very kind walk all over the world from the eastern coast of China to the western shore of England. I know what you are, Mr. Demon Butler."

"Fuck you." Sebastian hissed. Whenever he was pissed off, his eye glowed a bright fuchsia color. It was an involuntary symptom that came with the kind of irritating displeasure he faced from having his metaphorical mask ripped off his face.

"I would but you'd kill me with just a simple kiss." Lau said. "Quite ironic is it? That you spend so much time seducing humans with your look but if you touch them- they die. Have you ever been loved in your life?" he asked.

"I do not take well to the bottom of the food chain insulting me." Sebastian said. If he had bile, he would have felt a bucket of rage bile pile up the back of his esophagus. Lau held his hand over his mouth, barely able to stifle the laughter he had. It wasn't from the drugs he was inhaling, but rather from the

"I do not take well to watching the dear little Earl Phantomhive die so soon, yet I manage to have some manners. Which I might add, you do not." Lau told him, but Sebastian had already left.

"Demons. What a bunch of snobs." Ran Mao sighed. The extended fangs that her closed mouth concealed were made obvious in the way that they shone in the gas light. The tips of the enamel were stained with a rust colored hue.

"I agree." Lau said. "If only they were as refined as we are." he said, showing off his teeth that matched Ran Mao's with laughter between inhales of smoke.


End file.
